“Optimum Leadership Television: A Conversation with Christopher Salem on Becoming a Trusted Advisor”
Welcome to Optimum Leadership Television! I’m Steve Schappert from Connecticut Real Estate, joined by co-host Greg Dwyer, the Connecticut motivational speaker, and our special guest, Christopher Salem. In this episode, we delve into Christopher’s recently authored book, “Master Your Inner Critic: Resolve the Root Cause to Create Prosperity.”
Christopher shares the journey from a fixed to a growth mindset, transforming a life of dysfunction to one of abundance and interdependency. The book focuses on overcoming limited beliefs, building a successful foundation, and sustaining success through life’s challenges.
The discussion touches on the importance of sustainability and the significance of core values in building relationships. Christopher emphasizes the role of being a trusted advisor and the impact of connecting with audiences on an emotional level.
Steve and Greg explore Christopher’s work with parents, discussing the Empowered Fathers in Action nonprofit and the emphasis on family values. Christopher underlines the significance of aligning personal values with business practices to become a trusted advisor.
The conversation extends to the five “I’s” of becoming a trusted advisor: Insight, Initiative, Impact, Influence, and Integrity. Christopher shares insights on the inner game, proactive initiatives, delivering impactful content, empowering others through influence, and maintaining integrity.
Listeners gain valuable perspectives on stepping into fear as a catalyst for growth, and the discussion concludes with the importance of investing in oneself. Christopher provides insights into overcoming communication overload and emphasizes the transformational power of experiences.
To learn more, check out Christopher Salem’s book on Amazon or visit his website ChristopherSalem.com.
Transcription VIA Youtube
Hi! Welcome to Optimum Leadership Television I’m Steve Schappert from Connecticut Real Estate, here with my co-host Greg Dwyer he’s also the Connecticut motivational speaker and our special guest is Christopher Salem. Chris just wrote this book so we get that up easy to read it says master your inner critic resolve the root cause to create prosperity, give us the footnotes.
Well I mean the basis of the book is based upon my own personal experience and journey in you know going from a fixed to a growth mindset you know one living a life of dysfunction and codependency to one of abundance and interdependency and it talks about the process and I’ll stop you right there which one’s your favorite it’s going to of course be abundance and interdependency all right good answer continue so you know so the book really lays down the foundation of learning how to get out of the problem or more or less out of your own way from limited beliefs to then create a solution that you can not only build your success foundation but not only to maintain but to sustain success in your life no matter if things are going good or bad and the book is just you know discusses that process that that you could allow it to apply to your situation in your life and in also in your business you talk a lot about sustainability I think like the whole logo is sustain I have a radio show called sustainable success tell us why that’s important tell us where how did you get there well sustainable when people hear sustainable they mean that once you get if you’re operating in a good place that means everything’s going to be going good that’s not the case what sustainability means it’s it’s our attitude and how we look at the process where it’s taking us and what we’re becoming so even when things are going bad we don’t look at it as bad we look at that it’s part of the process that’s going to allow us to not only appreciate but be more grateful that when we get to a place where we desire to be or an accomplishment that we’ve achieved that we can be more you know we can become more as a result of it just like stepen Covey says that what you become or Jim Rohn said that what you become in the process so the whole idea is is you know with this book you know what we what I did is to you know illustrate you know and give you a process and methodology from personal experience that will allow you to do that whether if this is in your personal life uh with your in your business or any combination thereof.
So I also noticed I’ve been watching some of your videos it’s business but you’re very family oriented I I know there’s like a video all about something that you’re doing with moms or actually dads mom preneur well there’s M preneurs but also dads I have a nonprofit called empowered fathers in action correct so I saw both I was like huh interesting again tell me more so the whole why the emphasis on the two well I mean again you know looking at M preneurs uh dad preneurs or you know again it doesn’t matter what it is that just happens to be certain preneurs that’s a group I have so the whole idea is you know I’m a firm believer that if we’re really going to make a difference in our world if we’re going to make a difference in business and serve at a higher level and Empower people Empower people to take action uh to play a part in in that journey and experience in your product and service we have to be able to really come from a place of becoming what I call a trusted adviser so so what you what you ask yourself well what does that mean the trusted adviser well you know this is what I do but see what you don’t realize it’s not what you do it’s why you do what you do so the whole idea with the m preneurs is not just showing that you know you’re a mom and you might be a realtor or you’re a mom and you might run a network marketing business out of your home it’s not that’s not what only what you do it’s why you do what you do and knowing that you know you know business is built upon relationships and it always starts with you so if people are going to trust you and believe in you you got to trust yourself and believe in yourself Greg it sounds like a pearl of wisdom it is it’s wonderful we talk we’ve talked about that a lot yeah we have go on so it’s all related it’s all related so you know a trusted advisor means so I’ll give you an example of what what we mean by this illr and I’ll get into the you know dynamics of how you could go about becoming a trusted advisor so think about if you and I’ll use the realtor realtor is a perfect example for this so let’s say you’re a realtor and so wherever you’re based ask yourself in a 60 mile radius how many Realtors are in a 60 mile radius Steve how you probably answer that better than anyone easily 1,800 a lot there’s a lot so why are they going to do business actually that’s not 60 mile radius 60 mile radius yeah more like 32,000 there’s probably a lot and probably majority of them they’re going to be part-time somewhere in between or you know full-time producers but you got to ask yourself why is somebody going to choose you to do business with you over those other 32,000 people if they’re trying to sell a house or List their home or know somebody that’s do wants to do the same what are they going to come to well it reminds me of the story your uncle told you was it your uncle yeah yeah so what’s that story it ties in doesn’t it your uncle told you a pearl of wisdom you asked him right going back to it’s always Uncle Jim I’m 14 I paint the bedroom for him and I go he pays me I’m like all right so I got my first paying job you’re a successful contractor give me a pearl wisdom what what should I do he goes Steve remember that people work with you or do business with you because they like you okay period don’t ever forget it and never did well that that that is wisdom that the biggest part of why I do so much networking events because Uncle Jim said be likable yeah and that’s so true and and you know and again as a trusted advisor we have to first like ourselves we have to believe in ourselves we have to trust ourselves and more importantly on top of that when we do that we got to operate from what what I call your core values and principles so again let’s just use the realtor as an example if you were a realtor that really you know had strong family values family was important to you you enjoyed doing activities with your your your kids or your grandkids that’s important to you now think about it if somebody that that came to you that where family values was not important more than likely without them even knowing it consciously they wouldn’t do business with they’re not going to do business with you they’re just going to feel like H something nice person but something’s not there right and meanwhile we we’re conditioned to go chase that person to convince them why they should be doing business business with us only to go unfulfilled and disappointed so you’re telling me a person’s deep values is being reflected and it’s almost like a magnet it’s like a magnet and a lot of times again the even the person on the other side of this equation doesn’t even know that consciously that’s magical so again I’m not saying that that people don’t do business that are complete contrast with their values that happens don’t get me wrong but what I’m saying is for the most part people are going to gravitate to people where they get a sense of that either from an energy standpoint or that it’s not what you do it’s why you do what you do so if that Realtor was maybe putting out let’s say a a market a newsletter or magazine or she was blogging or posting things on social media that had nothing to do just with real estate but had to do things that reflected those family values and other people began to see that they’re more likely to say if if I know someone where they know that family is important to them they want to be in a in an area where there’s a good school because that’s important to them you know be know the kids being in a good school system they’re more likely going to think of that person over the rest but you can’t be all things to all people so when it comes to your values they’re going to be limited they’re going to be yes you’re not going to be every see that’s the thing that’s the secret you just made a great point that you’re never going to be everything for everyone so stop trying to strive for that the key is is when you get true to your core values and P principles once you’re able to get out of the problem a solution believe in yourself and trust yourself that by putting out content on a consistent basis whether if you’re doing seminars and you’re communicating that through things that you’re good at so you’re good at doing seminars some people might be good at blogging some people might be good at just you know you know creating relationships on social media that type of thing it’s the base reason that real estate brokerages do more business than Realtors wow it’s not just because it’s a bigger business it became a bigger business because it is built on the likability of all these each an extra new person that comes along there’s a base ideology that brings us together that’s the the vision of the business but I tell everybody I go nobody is going to do business with you because you work at Connecticut real estate or any other company I don’t want to get exact but it’s who you are it’s who you are it’s you it’s you so the brand you’re you know they talk a lot about branding today well see I always like to say yes your brand again you have to become a trusted adviser is one that becomes influential okay so again you’re not it I want to clarify that term a lot of times people will say well an influencer persuades people to see their point of view not true what it is is that when you’re influential and you’re coming you know being influencer coming from your true self one that believes in yourself you’re putting out information that is compelling to them it’s not about you and what makes you unique see in branding a lot of times we’re doing things what makes us unique and stands out among other people right that’s not the answer the with The Branding it’s what’s compelling to your audience that exemplifies these values and principles directly indirectly and then interjected with what you do and who you are and who you are and that’s going to really build your brand that’s what people identify with because you’re the brand is just not you it’s really beyond that it’s those values and principles that are compelling to them and you can’t reach everybody you can’t reach everyone some people that are complete contrast are just going to have nothing to do with you and that’s okay and that’s like in politics and I don’t want to get into politics but somebody will look at a candidate you know because this year it’s a big deal right and it’s like I really like them and they can go in all these reasons but it’s probably has to do with core values core values again when we talk about this we’re not just saying that this is politics and religion right but you know that could play a but but again it’s just about certain traits of people you know certain things about you know empathy and kindness Integrity honesty spoken and unspoken spoken and unspoken it’s essentially it’s the Law of Attraction exactly oh okay so that you know again a lot of people will hear about the law of attraction and say well yeah I know that movie and it’s you know a lot of it you know I don’t know if that really is true but again it is true but you know maybe not to the way you’ve seen it but again it’s it’s again when you come from a place of you know trusting yourself and operating from those values and principles that truly reflect you not what people say that you should be a lot of people are programmed to do hey if I’m Tony Robbins and God he’s so successful if I just be adopt Tony’s values and principles and become like him then I’m going to be successful well that’s not going to happen a lot of times that people will go well how come it happened it didn’t happen for me because Tony’s different from you you might as Aspire you might like what he’s doing and you believe and find some commonality but that doesn’t mean that all Tony’s values and principles are in alignment so you’ve been on this journey for at least 20 years right so you’ve been going through metamorphosis and change what have you seen as far as your environment of friends and co-workers and families I mean they must see the change yeah you you lose people you gain people what happens so the thing is is that when you really learn again this is more on the personal side of a trust adviser that when you really truly truly love yourself and can believe in yourself that it doesn’t matter how many friends you have on Facebook Facebook in real life it’s really again that you love yourself and that the people that are connected to you and Surround you you’re blessed because those are people that are truly respect and honor who you are and that that because you believe in yourself that you Empower them to find something with themselves to do the same so it’s about the quality of those relationships versus the quantity and here’s the thing when people buy into you they’re buying based upon those values and principles they’re going to they’re going to want to do their part to have a better experience with what you do now and when they do their part and have a good experience what do do people end up doing when that happens they refer people ref that’s a sustainable model whereas if you’re constantly relying upon marketing and certain gimmicks and gadgets and you know you know you know going out there and just you know knocking on every door and try to sell everybody it’s you know you’re going to get burned out and this is why a lot of people don’t last in certain professions you know especially in sales because again they’re they’re just you know they’re looking at people as people they’re not coming from a place uh within again this is an inside job it’s not outside job and that’s what a trusted advisor knows over someone that just does what they do peo wisdom I like it how did you learn this that into the point well I mean again uh just again being in sales for 25 years and just know learning people and you know adopting a different mindset you know we talked you know we talked about in previous shows uh with you know moving from a fixed to a growth mindset uh and then you know I’d be happy to talk about you know some of the things that you could go about doing to become a an influential person in why you do what you do if I think Greg and I both need that sure like right so I’m going to discuss with you tonight uh the five eyes of becoming a trust advisor so think about it here we talked about the foundation so far so now that we have a foundation what we want to be able to do is to determine that okay with what you do you’re going to have certain amount of intelligence you know you’re going to have certain experience or knowledge about what you do okay but now we have to take that knowledge and apply it to why you do what you do see the the disconnect with a lot of people is they take the knowledge of what they do and they put it out there but it’s never connected to the why the emotional side so think about the what is really the intellectual intelligence the why is the emotional intelligence the EQ part of the equation is missing so this is what is connecting with people people are are going to you’re going to get people’s attention first with intellectual intelligence maybe facts figures but then if you’re going to you know continue to really engage them and bring them closer to you there’s got to be that EQ element that’s the inner game that’s the inner game talk why this is what brings people don’t want to be sold people want to buy but they don’t want to be sold and in a trusted advisor understands the EQ element is the one that allows that person to draw their own conclusion to want to buy from you they want to be with you they don’t care if you’re selling kind of like creating your one liner with your branding story and not being codependent and being okay with them walking away absolutely right I’m who I am and hey there are cases where people have come Pap I worked for him there have been cases where people have come to me to coach them and I know that I could help them but when I’m hearing them relating to them and understanding them that I know there’s somebody even better that could help them in that situation than me so so what I do is instead of saying hey well I’m going to take it anyway it’s business I’m going to refer them to another person out of Integrity because what I’m knowing is that when I’m giving without expectation something that’s going to serve them I’m receiving without resistance right give without expectation receive without resistance that statement if you just hear it and apply it in your day every day will change the quality of your life forever and Trust advisers know how to do that because when they give that referral to someone else they know not when when it’s just a matter of time that it’s going to come back and more likely would be a better situation say that sentence again give without expectation receive without resistance so why receive without resistance what’s what’s that about so Bas this is the thing a lot of people have usually don’t have a problem giving okay sometimes they give when they expect something right okay that’s a disconnect that blocks the flow of prosperity but when they when it’s time for them to receive they’re like oh well you don’t have to do that okay so what what happens is when you block if I if if say Steve offered me something I said Steve it’s okay you know it was nice to you know you don’t have to give that to me not only am I denying myself but I’m also denying him and I’m also denying you because you’re right here right I’m I’m breaking the flow of prosperity so it doesn’t matter if you’re receiving anything it could be a penny you could be walking on the ground and you see a penny you pick it up it’s not that you need the penny but again if I if I saw if I saw a $5 I’m going to take it and receive it and if I saw somebody that was in more of need of it I might just hand the $5 bill to him or her it’s like telling the Italian grandmother that you’re not going to take her food home there you go oh yeah you don’t want a second helping well if my wife is watching she knows that if you if you don’t receive it goes badly I mean she they’re very HT my wife is watching she she’ll tell you firstand that there’s never a leftovers in my house but with that being said you know with Insight you have to app apply it and have that EQ element now the next step of the five eyes is what we call initiative so initiative is that we know we have to be proactive instead of reactive we live in a society of being reactive think about our health right so as trust advisers we have to be proactive in knowing that we have to be one step ahead of the industry that we’re in or whatever the case may be whatever the situation to know that if an obstacle or a challenge comes up that we can have enough intelligence to know how we can overcome that or go through it not avoid it or try to manage it or put a bandaid on it but to resolve it so that we can create the solution so we’re taking an initiative next and the third eye is that we have to do this with impact so everything we do we deliver content we deliver value we deliver service with impact and again it’s that impact that really connects and engages people so it’s not about your product it’s not about your service it’s about the connection it’s about those values and principles again that impact people in a positive way that they want to come to you and they want to work with you regardless probably of what whatever you do so that you have to do that with impact now next you have to be able to influence now again influence we talked about that before it’s not persuading someone to see your point of view or just you know to see that you’re right and that maybe they’re wrong it’s really to empower them with information that allows them to draw their own conclusion what that means to them based upon their own core values and principles so that when they do make a decision to say this resonates with me they’re more likely going to work with you and if it doesn’t resonate with them well great that’s fine let them go because that’s not a fit your uh previous statement reminds me of a quote uh that I just read and I’m not sure if I’ll get it right something along the lines of in a week they won’t remember your name and in a year they won’t remember what you do but for the rest of the life they’ll remember how you made them feel exactly and that is a key key statement and and they do they do remember how they feel and here’s where this plot the next five I that which will play into that and and I’ve already talked about it already I already mentioned it maybe if you’re if you somebody’s probably says I know what he’s going to say now so we talked about again Insight initiative impact influence the next one I’m going to say right now that if we don’t have this all the other four go right out the door and we kind of talked about it I kind of spilled it out a little bit earlier the next eye is what we call Integrity so if we are going to be a trust advisor we have to come from Integrity so again if it means walking away from business because you know you’re doing the right thing and putting that person aligning with somebody that could be in a better fit for them it’s gets back to the give with that expectation receive with that resistance statement we talked about that no knowing that you did the right thing in that situation that will come back to you it’s like a boomerang again maybe not from that person but from some other source that you didn’t even anticipate so that’s the key there and when you begin to master those five eyes as a trusted advisor you know operating in the solution this is going to change the quality of your business this is going to change the quality of how you position your messaging to to enhance your brand not just about you but again about the what’s compelling to your audience based on those core values and principles do you talk about the the eyes in that book or not in this book uh that’s something that will be coming out uh in another book tied around the sustainable success uh process and you know something I talk about quite frequently on my radio show called sustainable success when do you do the show and how do people get a hold of that information uh the show is airs every Thursday from 12 to1 it’s on internet radio with voice America influencers channel uh so voice America is out based out of out of Phoenix Arizona so it’s a it’s a global internet radio program and again it actually has a podcast so people can listen to it anytime we record it uh just even though it’s live uh that people can listen to the shows uh anytime and you can find it anywhere just like you find a podcast is it you talking do you have guests I have guests too we have guests so we’ve had some you know big names on the show we’ve had Bob berg from the go-giver who wrote The International bestselling book the B gogers sold millions of copies uh we’ve had uh uh Jason mccan who is the CEO of veredes uh you know all about ergonomics and wellness and we cover a wide variety of different topics from business to personal uh you know well-being to just about everything we talked about here you know life and businesses one so have we just scratched the surface of the iceberg here I mean we we talked yeah we talked yeah we talked 90 minutes but there’s a lot more but at least you know the whole point was to create create awareness cuz this is where if we’re going to make any changes in our lives in business it has to start with awareness and it again has to become from a place where you know I’m not being righteous I’m just putting out information and and it’s allowing you to take what that means to you and either to make some subtle shifts forward what that means to you or to say that I don’t agree with this person and that’s okay MH how does somebody get one of these so people get a hold of the book either they can go to my website at Christopher salem.com or that you can go to Amazon Barnes & Noble it’s also available in audible version so if you’re not one of those people that’s not doesn’t like to read you can listen to it in your car at your leisure or even on your phone whatever whatever suitable and there’s also a Kindle version as well if you read it on your iPad or your mobile device Chris what are some of the companies that you work with who are the people that seek you out because of your core values I work with both individuals privately with Executive coaching and companies so some of the companies I’ve worked with I work with a lot of e EAP programs like optim part of United Healthcare Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield human uh Etna I worked with a lot of Corporations like Pratt and Whitney GE uh got microchip Technologies uh the list goes on I work with a lot of different companies in terms of uh communication strategies leadership and a lot of things we’re talking about with the growth mindset that that is the foundation of all these different areas I’m looking at the back of the book and there’s one line that’s jumps out at me that I don’t think we went into too much stepping into your fear yeah let’s talk about that well stepping into your fear again you know fear is something that’s of course it’s natural right but it’s a what you do with that fear is what’s really important see fear is just again telling you that that something you know is making you feel uncomfortable but again it it’s it’s a different from the fear that could be protecting your life it’s not like somebody is hanging you over a cliff by your ankles and all they got to do is let go and you’re done okay that that’s going to be fear that that’s you got you’re fearing but if it’s a fear that doesn’t threaten your life then it it’s it you got to look at that fear as a way that you can that motivates you from within to kind of embrace that unknown feeling uncomfortable and adopting this experience to learn certain things that you’re maybe you don’t know that you will eventually that will become part of the process to where you want to be so stepping into your fear is doing that it’s knowing that you don’t have to have all the answers you just have to just step into it and do what you can within your control let go of the rest and keep doing that in the present moment each day each week each month each quarter each year that leads to the results that you seek awesome so I think uh back to you know why am I doing this cuz like I’m the host I’m sitting over here quietly cuz Chris is talking but that’s kind of the point you’re here because you know stuff that I don’t and I’m here to learn and I hope everybody out there is learning as well I hope Greg is learning um I’m glad to have Greg here too because he has mindsets and skills that I don’t have so I just wanted to throw that out there um getting into the goals terms we’ve talked about that invest in you you had mentioned that before and you were talking about it offscreen and I yeah did a good job with it so let’s let’s so about that so investing in you is probably three minutes left yeah so investing in you it means that you know what are the things that you can invest in that can improve the quality of your life so you can be a better example for others see again you can’t really truly give value to someone if you haven’t given that same value to yourself so it starts with you starts with you so again what is that mean maybe you’re going to a seminar that could be reading a book that could be taking an online tutorial that could be getting a mentor a coach whatever the case may be be but again that you’re not just relying upon those sources to be the answer in in its entirety they are just guides and in processes and examples but always it’s going to come back to you to take that and find it within yourself what that means to you because what I’ve always learned with seminars is that it’s the fifth seminar that you hear it for the fifth time because everyone you go to the seminar you hear it oh that’s all good and then you go home and and you start to forget it and then you don’t implement it and years go by nothing happens and then you go to this other seminar and somebody else says it in a slightly different way and you actually take action because you’re not learning anything for the first time it’s it’s a matter of taking it in for the third time so whether it’s a seminar or advertising the bottom line is you don’t take it in the first time you’re on we’ve talked about communication overload there is so much information so much coming in that you just can’t process it all as as amazing as our brains are it gets lost lost yeah it with those re it’s got to be something that you have to experience so you know seminars that create an experience rather than just you know throw out information are going to be more effective and when you engage people and get them to interact and be part of the experience you’re going to have better results thank you we got one more minute Greg tell us a little bit about you in 10 seconds and how to get a hold of you excellent easy Greg d.com geg dw.com new website new Focus so that’s going to be up probably in a couple couple weeks and looking forward to doing that um I will tell you this sincerely I do journaling and over the year I’ll write down magic moments this was a magic moment and I really appreciate it’s a pleasure to be here with both of you I mean it’s just been an honor Chris thank you very much Steve thank you so much thank you so much appreciate it all righty thank you for sitting in on Optimum leadership television we’ll be back next week with philson Thomas for more information have a great night.